stress

I am having mixed emotions again. Maybe its just my hormones, but one moment i want to be with people but then i dont. i want to work but then i don't.lol The one thing i do know is that i am excited for bryan to come home. i really really miss him and it has only been a month! i guess i am just feeling like i can't do things on my own. i guess i am just really needy right now. i am so paranoid abut this pregnancy that i don't know what to think! and i have all these little birdies telling me wht they feel and what they went through when it just overwhelms me. I feel like i am stressing out about other people's lives too. i can't stand the fact that my inlaws are getting money from us when i others are telling me they have given them option to help get out of debt but they refuse or come up with excuses. I don't even think both of them have a clear communication about wht is really going on. i'm trying not to stress or think about it but i just can't help it because i do feel like Bryan is getting taken advantage of but what do i know i am just the nagging wife. i am getting nervous about moving because we are going to loose a lot of money and i don't feel secure financially like i did before, and that is probably my stupidity cause i quit working.

hello

Well i haven't written in a while. I tend to spend most my time seeing if anyone else has emailed me or written me, but i don't ever take the time to write them.lol how self centered is that.lol i feel a little lonely right now. I miss Bryan so much, but i think it helps that my last class is over with so i am not as stressed. i wish i knew how to not stress over small things. I just don't want to be involved with anything right now. not even in church. I worry about my baby. I hope it is still healthy. I feel like i haven't been eating well, and it is taking a toll on the little one. i can't keep my house clean, it just smells aweful and i feel like getting rid of everything and start over, is that crazy or what! I will get out of this slump. just don't know where to start.

life

I decided no matter what i will always be an outsider with Bryan's side of the family, but i am ok with it because i have Bryan. I was reading a book and it said no matter what you will never fit in with people, which i feel like is true, not with just family but the people in the world. We all have to be ourselves. I was a little hurt because my own mother in law was spreading rumors about me, but you know what, my true friends know me. I guess our life isn't fun enough so she has to spice it up. At first i was worried about what she was saying, but i know what i am doing, i know what Bryan is doing and god knows. I almost feel sorry for her. ALMOST.LOL I need to eliminate all negativity in my life right now because i have a little one growing inside me:) I need to stay in tune with my little one because i want it to grow up as positive as possible like it's Daddy. I decided i want to be a big Domestic wife.lol I mean like canning, home making, gardening, just like women use to be.

Today i made my first Meat loaf! It is in the oven right now, i can't wait to taste it.