Well, i haven't wrote in a very long time.
Today i just feel like i don't know who i am or who i want to be. I don't know how to stand strong anymore, and i can't remember anything.
lastnight, i went to my little brother's Music Concert and it reminded me of my family. I miss going to the symphony, i miss going to the Nutcracker every christmas with my Grandma and Grandpa. I will never forget my grandpa's smell, he was always such a handsome fellow. I miss going to musicals that my grandpa had worked on. i went to a couple, my memory is very small compared to then, but i guess thats why they ask us to write in our journals. I went and saw les miserable, i remember knowing exactly how things were going to turn out because i had listened to the music so often with my aunt shawna.
I got to see Alice in Wonderland, My grandpa was in the big Catipillar.lol i got to see Peter Pan, A female played peter pan and they made her fly across the audiance at the end and they sprinkled glitter everywhere for pixie dust! I miss fairytale stories. They are always soo happy.
Anways, i got a little side tracked.lol When i went to my brother's symphony i teared up because of how wonderful the music was. So many memories, and so many memories lost. It quite sad. i have been so busy being critical towards my family cause its easy to get lost in the negaticity. but i want to write about the positive things that brought me back home.
Well, i will start with heather, she drives me nuts because she is the youngest and gets away with everything. and i mean EVERYTHING. but i know she is going to be great in young womens. Dustin just absolutly blows me away. He is just an amazing young man. He is still obnoxious but he loves me soooo much!! and he is so proud of me, and i haven't done anything.lol i can't believe how much he looks up to me, and i am just fake. I am so proud of how much he has accomplished and his musical talent just amazes me. His music just is magical and i miss the feeling of magical.
My brother mike-He is just a stud.lol he is very smart and book smart at that, he has all these girls hanging on him, but he has a passion for his mission. I can only pray that he keeps that passion that so many of us have lost.
Brenda, I don't know too much about brenda anymore accept she loves her cell phone
Katie is out on her own, i think she is coming back home and i am glad about it for my parents. its not that they dont want her to go out on her own, it was just her choices that she used to go. Not that i have any room to speak. I am probably the worst out of us all. i can't keep any covenants i make. I don't know what to do anymore. I loved being who i was in highschool, and i can't go back. i have to make due with what i am today. i keep saying i don't know what to do, but i really do. Its just doing it. I have also been catigorized as talk the talk but i don't walk the walk. Have i put myself in a state of apostasy? I have been given so much, and in return i have made christ bleed even more for my mistakes that i know before i make them. Why do i have such a hard time standing up for what i believe in now?
All i want is to explore the world, graduate college, and raise a healthy family. I don't need to experience certain things in life, i will take others words for it, but i do need to stand firmer and its going to be a hard battle, but i need to. I know the truth and there is no denying it. as much as i want to go and play, i can't i really need to stay a hold of that Iron rod that i have fallen off many times. I have to stay firm or i loose everything.
Today i just feel like i don't know who i am or who i want to be. I don't know how to stand strong anymore, and i can't remember anything.
lastnight, i went to my little brother's Music Concert and it reminded me of my family. I miss going to the symphony, i miss going to the Nutcracker every christmas with my Grandma and Grandpa. I will never forget my grandpa's smell, he was always such a handsome fellow. I miss going to musicals that my grandpa had worked on. i went to a couple, my memory is very small compared to then, but i guess thats why they ask us to write in our journals. I went and saw les miserable, i remember knowing exactly how things were going to turn out because i had listened to the music so often with my aunt shawna.
I got to see Alice in Wonderland, My grandpa was in the big Catipillar.lol i got to see Peter Pan, A female played peter pan and they made her fly across the audiance at the end and they sprinkled glitter everywhere for pixie dust! I miss fairytale stories. They are always soo happy.
Anways, i got a little side tracked.lol When i went to my brother's symphony i teared up because of how wonderful the music was. So many memories, and so many memories lost. It quite sad. i have been so busy being critical towards my family cause its easy to get lost in the negaticity. but i want to write about the positive things that brought me back home.
Well, i will start with heather, she drives me nuts because she is the youngest and gets away with everything. and i mean EVERYTHING. but i know she is going to be great in young womens. Dustin just absolutly blows me away. He is just an amazing young man. He is still obnoxious but he loves me soooo much!! and he is so proud of me, and i haven't done anything.lol i can't believe how much he looks up to me, and i am just fake. I am so proud of how much he has accomplished and his musical talent just amazes me. His music just is magical and i miss the feeling of magical.
My brother mike-He is just a stud.lol he is very smart and book smart at that, he has all these girls hanging on him, but he has a passion for his mission. I can only pray that he keeps that passion that so many of us have lost.
Brenda, I don't know too much about brenda anymore accept she loves her cell phone
Katie is out on her own, i think she is coming back home and i am glad about it for my parents. its not that they dont want her to go out on her own, it was just her choices that she used to go. Not that i have any room to speak. I am probably the worst out of us all. i can't keep any covenants i make. I don't know what to do anymore. I loved being who i was in highschool, and i can't go back. i have to make due with what i am today. i keep saying i don't know what to do, but i really do. Its just doing it. I have also been catigorized as talk the talk but i don't walk the walk. Have i put myself in a state of apostasy? I have been given so much, and in return i have made christ bleed even more for my mistakes that i know before i make them. Why do i have such a hard time standing up for what i believe in now?
All i want is to explore the world, graduate college, and raise a healthy family. I don't need to experience certain things in life, i will take others words for it, but i do need to stand firmer and its going to be a hard battle, but i need to. I know the truth and there is no denying it. as much as i want to go and play, i can't i really need to stay a hold of that Iron rod that i have fallen off many times. I have to stay firm or i loose everything.
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